Right now I'm taking a course about multicultural education.  Almost all of the ideals and goals resonate with those that linguists pose in their demand for bilingual education and the demands that ethnic studies make for a relevant and more critical education.

For this week there was a reading about 1.5 and 2nd generation Hmong students at a public high school in a wealthy Wisconsin neighborhood (Stacey J. Lee (2001) More than “Model Minorities” or “Delinquents”: A Look at Hmong American High School Students).  Even though they're in a wealthy, 75% white, middle class, well-funded school, these Asian American youth face the same troubles of delinquency, identity issues, racism, economic struggles, and unmet needs that the Khmer students in a low-income, gang-riddled neighborhood in Long Beach, CA face.

Although the drop out rate at my majority Asian American high school was extremely poor compared to these schools, almost all of my pan-Asian friends faced the same inter-generational conflicts, racial tensions, frustration communicating with family, ambiguous cultural norms, identity issues, and a struggle to understand what it means to be X-Asian in the United States.  These burdens, compounded with lack of school support due to the model minority stereotype and the ideology of the emasculate Asian male led many of my guy friends to escape school through habitual truancy, ecstasy, WOW, running away from home, etc.  A few of my younger friends dropped out completely, were forced to move to a different school, started fights, and did other stupid shit not out of rebellion but out of frustration.

Their parents often attributed their children's failing grades to lack of motivation, bad genetics (from the other parent), adolescent rebellion, supplemental education, or some other excuse.  However, the drop-outs and barely-passing guys that I know are some of the sweetest, most loyal guys I know.  They know that they should finish high school and at least get some college education, but they seem very frustrated about their situations and therefore escape this institutional bind by seeking other areas to focus their energy in.

For this problem to be prevalent in the Asian American community, cross-culturally and on a national level, there must be something wrong with the system.  Every interview of an Asian American teenager, regardless of national origin or heritage, that I've read, express concerns about these very same issues.

I don't like what I'm reading, and because it feels like the author's prying my eyes open to recognize that the school system is racist and that meritocracy is a myth, I've got selective listening going on. 
At first it's all, "oh, schools don't care about non-white kids. Ok." "Oh, the principle is a total racist jackass and has completely given up on helping or providing resources for academic success to the poor and students who need it the most. Ok. Seems perfectly reasonable."  Then, a few pages down, "THAT'S !@#!%%QWERTY)(%*^!. WTH. SEPARATE BUT EQUAL IS NOT EQUAL. F F F F F F F."


Schools are fucked up.
We are not even close to living in a post racial society.
Institutionalized racism is as prevalent as ever before.
The words have just been changed to be more "politically correct" without addressing the problem.

boo...

The worst part is, had I been shown this perspective before, I could've helped my parents deal with my younger brother's "mysterious" struggles in school.

I just realized that I have the nerdiest hobbies ever.

I'm reading Volume One of the Gormenghast Trilogy, only 543 pages, by Mervyn Peake called Titus Groan for fun. This ancient book with its torn up spine, frayed navy cloth cover, and oxidized  pages was left untouched for eight years in the back of the university's library, and I had claimed it.  I must be a nerd to take pride in reading a giant book that has character that can only be acquired by living through 42 years of circulating through at what looks like 35+ anxious readers' hands, homes, and coffee mug stains.

My other hobby, I realized, is responding to foreign YouTubers' requests for translations of song lyrics into their languages.  I spent an hour transcribing the song, translating word-by-word, then editing for a sense-by-sense translation, and then fine-tuning my translation to sound like a song or at least rhyme or keep time like the English version...all out of fun.  Somebody, please give me a life.

Just now, I realized that I've been messing with photoshop to create new backgrounds for my blog for the past 4 hours.   I've even gone so far as to print out the HTML code for the site layout to tinker with it more effectively and learn HTML just for funsies. 


This is ridiculous.
It's summer. It's the weekend.
It's break time but my mind just won't turn off. 
:(

I think I fail at life...